It’s hard for me to convey what Uma Didi came to mean to me through the years in which we were lucky enough to have her in our life. As is often the case, I look back to the earlier years with a sense that I took so much and so many for granted. There’s both sweetness and remorse in that observation.
I came into Uma Didi’s association in Sri Keshavji Gaudiya Matha, Mathura, where like many other devotees we would stay in the months leading up to Vraj Parikrama in the hopes of doing some seva and gaining some extra association with Srila Gurudeva and some of his nearest and dearest. Uma Didi was always approachable and available, especially to the female devotees but she never pushed herself on anyone. She was simply there if she was needed. That seemed to be her mood.
My mother had the good sense to seek her association and offer Didi some service such as massages and necessary hair trims from time to time. Uma Didi being a reservoir of Hari Katha and always engaged in speaking the words of our Guru Varga, those moments in her room naturally became an opportunity to hear and enquire from her. I began going along from time to time and we formed a sweet routine; Uma Didi would request I sing a particular bhajan and then she would speak on the deeper meaning of the bhajan. She would most often request bhajans glorifying Pancha tattva and Vaishnava. She almost always had something sweet in the back of her cupboards that she would dish out and feed to us, adding that we shouldn’t mention it to anyone since her doctor had warned her off sweets.
As Kartik month drew nearer and more devotees from around the world travelled from Vrindavan to Mathura in the evenings to attend Gurudeva’s classes, Uma Didi directed me once that I should feel free to bring all the western girls visiting up to her private rooms to use her facilities. She didn’t want them having to use the less private and more austere accommodations downstairs. She was always thoughtful and down to earth. A ‘girls’ girl’ to take the liberty of using a flippant phrase. She was also fiery and being like a mother or aunt to the majority of devotees from junior to senior, she would often chastise where she saw fit. Once the brahmacaris were engaged in a particularly rip-roaring Gaura aroti kirtan in the Matha, dancing robustly up and down the lengths of the mandir. Uma Didi knowing how fragile the building was, was concerned that they would break through the floor. She entered their rowdy midst in all her tininess and began shouting over the very loud kirtan that they needed to ease up before they did any harm to themselves and the Math. Krsna das prabhu and the others laughed her off as teenagers will to an overprotective mother and kept it going but she stood her ground for some time before giving in. Later they went and apologised for their disrespect and of course she quickly forgave them.
At that time, it never entered my mind that she would one day travel the world! I was so surprised and delighted when I heard she would do so. I was especially grateful for this at the time of Our beloved Gurudeva, Nitya Lila Pravistha Om Sri Srimad Srila Bhakti Vedanta Narayana Goswami Maharaja’s leaving this world. The Australian devotees were blessed to have her with us at that difficult and heavy time. I felt in awe of the depths of the moods she exhibited. Her tears flowed silently and consistently as she shared a little of her heart with us. I recall, one late night in my parent’s living room, her voice was choked as she expressed her feelings of separation. She said, “I am all alone now, everyone has left me. First Srila Trivikrama Maharaj, then my Gurudeva Srila Vaman Maharaja, now Srila Gurudeva has also left me.” She then expressed that for herself, Sripad B.V Bon maharaja, Sripad B.V Madhava maharaja and others, Srila Vamana Goswami Maharaja was like their father while our Srila Gurudeva was like their mother. She explained, “He raised us with his own hands, fed us, sheltered us, trained us.” She encouraged even the most reluctant among us to speak an offering saying that though we may feel unqualified, like a parent, Gurudeva’s heart is especially melted to hear us, his smallest children, babbling “goo goo gah” in an endeavour to express some love and gratitude for him. She gave us so much solace in that week after Gurudeva’s departure despite expressing her sense of misfortune that she was not present in the Dhama. Her first evening with us she told me later in the night that I had given her heart some small relief in singing ‘Je anilo Prema dhano’ making her feel at home for the first time by “Singing it like the boys at the Matha do.” I very much felt the familial affection of our old routine in Kesavji behind these words. But that was Uma Didi, she always had space to be encouraging to others no matter what she may have been personally dealing with. In these ways she did Srila Gurudeva’s western disciples a great kindness, helping us navigate that time of sacred bereavement with so much care when she easily could have withdrawn into her own Sadhan Bhajan. We owe her a great debt for this and for her ongoing support in the following years.
Uma Didi was a shining beacon of Guru Nistha and her devotion to the truth was fearless. She was fiercely intelligent, unwavering, bold in her delivery of Hari katha and in her upholding of the principles set by our Guru Varga. But she was also warmly affectionate, practical and empathetic. Vaishnava humility being her foremost quality, there were no displays of flowery humility or superficial meekness, rather, her grace was in her compassion, and her genuine lack of envy, vanity and duplicity. The recently published correspondences she received from her Gurudeva Srila B.V Vaman Goswami Maharaja are a testament to the caliber of disciple she was—something I can’t even pretend to comprehend or comment on from any angle.
Finally, no glorification of Didi is complete without mentioning what an amazing cook she was and her boundless energy in the kitchen. She absolutely adored feeding Thakurji and the devotees at every opportunity.
When she left us, I felt in many ways that the final light had gone out. Bereft of her association I can only pray that I remain forever inspired by her faith in Hari Guru Vaishnava and by her exemplary life of service dedication and humility.
Srimati Uma Didi ki Jai!
—Mekhalā Dasi